Retirement?
Paul, Barnabas, Silas, and their companions never planned for retirement or made the transition into it. They simply kept working until they died. Retirement for the masses is an invention of our modern western culture. Never before in history have the majority of people had enough money to be able to quit working with 20-30 years of their lives remaining.
If Jesus were telling the parable of the rich man in Luke 12 today, he would probably talk about the missionary getting on-line daily to check his retirement portfolio, thinking about diversifying, perhaps by a strategic rebalancing of stocks, bonds, and real estate. This modern rich missionary may still say to himself or herself, “You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy, eat, drink and be merry” (Luke 12:19)
Retirement can take many forms from a delightful, freeing experience to a traumatic, depressing one. A major factor in determining which it becomes is the planning one has done. Most people make some sort of financial plan for it, if nothing more than knowing that Social Security (or similar benefits) will be available. However, people need to think about where they will live, if they will have enough money, what they will do, and who will be in their circle of friends. This planning should begin early, but at the latest, early in the last term of service before retirement.
Where will I live?
Unlike people who remain in the country of their birth, many missionaries do not own homes where they can live in their passport country during retirement. Some of the options might be:
· Early in their careers some missionaries do buy a home in their passport country. They live in it while on home ministry assignment and rent it to other people while out of the country. The rent pays the mortgage payments, maintenance, insurance and taxes. Of course, to make this work, one has to plan decades in advance—and have a reliable friend to manage the house.
· Missionaries who do not own homes at retirement have a variety of options:
· In addition to the house, missionaries who do not already have one will also choose the community where they live. Again many options are available:
Will I have enough money?
Many retired missionaries have sufficient income from retirement plans and investments to live adequately, and some also continue to work at least part time. Depending on how you have planned, many sources of income are available:
· Benefits from governmental retirement plans, such as Social Security in the USA, are available to those who have paid the taxes over the years. This income provides a base, but not enough to live on.
· If your agency has a retirement or pension program, you have that income as well.
· Your investments in tax-deferred plans or Individual Retirement Accounts can be used as income after age 59.5 in the USA.
· If you own your own home, you can receive income from a reverse mortgage (You keep living in your house, and the bank pays you mortgage payments.)
· Increasingly people continue to work part-time after retirement at such things as fast food, retail sales, or a mission agency.
· You may become a consultant in your area of expertise, such as business affairs, church planting, etc.
· Paying a qualified financial planner a few hundred dollars may save you many thousands in the long run.
What will I do?
Missionaries vary widely in answering this question. Some of the options are:
· Volunteer work in many capacities:
· Join a group such as Finishers. These groups were created to enable people who had retired early in their passport cultures to have the opportunity to serve several years after their retirement. Missionaries can continue serving through some group such as this.
· Start something new, such as:
Who will be my friends?
Finding a place in a social group may well be the most difficult task you have in retirement. Having lived in another culture for many years, you may find that your values are quite different from the people your age in your passport culture. You may have changed so much that you feel like you do not fit anywhere, even among those who were your closest friends.
However, some contexts make it more likely that you will find a compatible social group with similar values.
Enjoying freedom
Although there is no particular age at which people in our culture are considered to be “old,” retirement is often the time when people begin to be treated as older, as “aging.” Retirement often begins when people are in their 50s, increases in the early to mid 60s, and a large majority of people are retired by the time they are 70 years old.
Most people find that the early years of retirement are wonderful. After an initial adjustment period in which either or both spouses may say something like, “I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch,” couples find that they enjoy the freedom from set schedules and the time of being together. These people are often called the “young-old,” a time defined by attitude and activity rather than by chronological age. With Social Security, pensions, and other benefits they usually have enough money to do things they want. As long as they have their health, they are involved in life
During this phase, they have few responsibilities other than to cheer them on through the 10, 15, 20 or more years it lasts. Some people may need a little help finding a “vocation,” something they feel called to do. However, most become involved in such things as volunteering, becoming involved with grandchildren, or even becoming a “finisher,” involved in missions. If they have not already done so you may encourage them to do the following:
· Make a will.
· Appoint a health care surrogate.
· Make a living will.
· Appoint durable power of attorney.
Make funeral arrangements
Special Considerations.
Some things arise that may surprise retirees. Here are a few that occur rather frequently.
· Aging parents. As people live longer and longer, the chances of retiring and finding yourself responsible for the care of parents unable to care for themselves increase. Remember that if you retire at 65, your surviving parents may be in their late 80s and need help.
· Health care. As you get older, health care becomes much more expensive. If you are retiring before you are eligible for governmental health care (Medicare in the USA), be sure to check to see if your agency policy continues to cover you. Check how much you will have to pay yourself. What about a medical supplemental health benefit policy?
· Depression. Missionaries may experience “making-a-difference” withdrawal when they retire. On the field, they have made a life and death difference to many people, but back in their passport culture, they feel like their lives make little contribution to anyone.
· Agency policies. Be sure to read carefully the policies your agency has about your retirement activities. Then make your plans about retirement taking these policies into account. Being asked not to return to a field may be devastating.
· Pass the baton. Remember that the missionary enterprise is like a relay race. You carry the baton for years or decades, then you pass it on to the people following you. Your place then is to cheer that next generation on as they continue to carry out the Great Commission.
· Finish well. After you have passed the baton to the people who have replaced you in the race, refrain from interfering with their running the race. Each generation does things differently, and when you are tempted to be critical, remember how you felt when the old missionaries told you what to do. Your students, parishioners, disciples, etc. have now become the leaders. Let them lead.
· Give yourself time. These issues take some time to resolve and may seem overwhelming if faced all at once. They can be more adequately faced if you give yourself four or five years.
· Remember God’s promise in Psalm 92: 12-14. “The righteous will flourish…They will still bear fruit in old age. They will stay fresh and green.”
Aging Parents
As you move toward middle age and your children become adolescents, you may find yourself as part of the “sandwich generation,” sandwiched between your parents and your offspring. Although your culture holds you legally responsible for your offspring, it may not hold you legally responsible for your parents. However, you may feel some responsibility for your parents. After all, they cared for you as a child, and it seems reasonable that, in return, you care for them when they need you. In addition, the Bible commands us to honor our parents.
People who do not cross cultures and travel to another continent face this same issue, but they are not as far away from parents as you are. They are also much more likely to be personally involved. Although some people have always faced the question of determining their responsibility for their aging parents, only in the last century has the majority done so. Not only do more people face this issue, but it also remains an issue for a much longer period of time as life spans increase. Newly retired people commonly have responsibilities for parents who are in their 80s and 90s.
Although there are no easy answers to the questions arising about aging parents, knowing what to expect can help you give some forethought to what you might do. Following are some of the usual phases people move through as they age in western culture. Some people pass through all these phases with years spent in each; others may skip many of them due to accident or sudden serious illness. Here are several possible phases.
Beginning reflection
Sometimes this phase comes suddenly, such as with a serious illness or financial loss. However, it more often occurs internally, with no one else even being aware of it, such as when people realize that they really aren’t the men or women they used to be. It may occur when a close friend or a sibling dies so that people face their own mortality in more personal ways.
During this phase even very successful people may begin to think that their lives have been worthless, and they may become depressed. Just when they most need to talk about it with others, they may begin to withdraw.
Unfortunately, many parents and children have never engaged in serious conversation about this. If you have not done it before, this is a good time to begin talking about important questions and issues in life. You can be of real help to your parents in opening up these areas by
· Visiting with them.
· Bringing news about others.
· Asking tactful questions.
· Encourage life review by
· Asking for autobiography.
· Asking about old photographs.
· Having them draw pictures of places they have lived.
· Asking about their spiritual journey.
Losing a Spouse
There is nothing more devastating than losing a spouse. This loss phase requires more readjustment than any other event in a person’s life. It is often more difficult for men than for women, primarily because men do not socialize as well.
Since most married couples do not die at the same time, you may face the loss of one parent yourself as you help the other parent work through his or her grief. Since this is the greatest loss anyone faces, it usually takes many months, even years, to be ready to “get on with life.” Be patient.
During this time you may have to help solve various problems that arise.
· Can your mother maintain home and car?
· Can your father cook and clean?
· What if the survivor sells the home?
· What about remarriage?
· What about entering a retirement community?
· What about moving in with you?
These questions, and many more, will need answers. You, your spouse, your children, and your siblings and their families will all be impacted by the answers.
Reversing roles
If the surviving parent does not die suddenly, the day will probably come when you go to visit, and he or she will have a list of things for you to do. You switch from being the one being helped to the one giving the help—and your parent switches to the one receiving the help, often very difficult to do.
Both of you want the aging one to be as independent as possible and make as many decisions as possible. As you increasingly become the caregiver, it is good to repeatedly ask yourself several questions.
· How much should I do?
· How much can I say?
· Am I doing any good?
· What about my spouse and children?
In the three phases previously considered, there was always something you could do with the hope that things would get better. As your roles reverse, more and more you realize that things are not going to get better. They only get worse. One thing to remember is that no matter how you answer the questions above as things get worse, you are likely to feel guilty, even though you are not guilty of anything. If you are in your passport country caring for your parent, you are likely to feel guilty. If you are overseas, you are as likely to feel guilty.
Probably the most important thing you can do during this phase is to help your parent answer such questions as these:
· What good am I?
· How can my life have any meaning?
As you do this, remember that our society has no good answer to these questions. These questions have answers only in a thoroughly Christian world-view. Our modern problem-solving approach to life comes up short, but meaning is found in God and his love for us as persons he made in his image.
Becoming dependent
When role reversal is complete, you may find that your parent is now dependent on you for help with such routine maintenance functions as getting into and out of bed, bathing, dressing, and eating. When this time comes, the goal of independent living is out of the financial reach of most families, especially missionary families.
Whatever is done next is best as a family decision with the parent and all surviving children present. This meeting should have a mechanism for everyone to be able to express his or her position. All possible options must be considered. If the family has enough money, the person may be able to stay at home, with someone hired to care for him or her at all times. However, if that is not possible, there are several options:
· Some move in with the parent.
· The parent moves in with the family of one of the children.
· Some move to a home in a retirement village where people are on call to give assistance.
· Others choose an assisted living facility where the person does some care for himself or herself in a room alone, but where meals and medications are prepared by professional staff.
· Still others move to a nursing home where skilled nursing care is available 24 hours a day.
By this stage Alzheimer’s and other dementias are rather common, and the parent may not even realize what is happening. During the last few years of her life my own mother was cared for by her children and grandchildren, but she referred to them as “the people who work here.” Though she did not want to be put in a nursing home and was cared for by family, her Alzheimer’s was at a stage where she did not even realize it. One must not let guilt feelings reign in such a situation.
Saying Goodbye
This last phase is usually a short one. People often find that facing death in a few days or weeks is quite different from facing it in the abstract “future.” Most people prefer to die at home with friends and family around them. Some want to talk about their impending death.
This is the time of facing the final enemy, and no one wants to do that alone, sick, and tired. This is the time for all to be available, gather around, and say goodbye.